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Philemon 1:8-21 How good are you at forgiving others? Do the words, "I forgive you," come easily? Or, do you need time to think about it? What about asking for forgiveness? When you've hurt another person, are you able to let them know how sorry you are and ask them to forgive you? Or, are you more likely to let the problem ride because you're too afraid of what they would say? Forgiveness can be a difficult challenge for us - both asking for it and extending it to others. God extends forgiveness to us freely and it's clear from the scripture that God expects us to forgive others with the same openness. Why is forgiveness such a challenge? If I've hurt you and come asking for your forgiveness - it's a natural reaction for you to pause. You don't want me to hurt you again. And if you forgive, you open the door to hurt once again. So, we can be reluctant to forgive for reasons of self preservation. Sometimes we refuse to forgive others as a form of punishment. Perhaps we're still aching from the hurt and we want the other person to hurt as well. If we deny them forgiveness, we feel that we're repaying the damage. Asking for forgiveness can be equally as challenging. It takes a real act of courage to approach someone we've hurt and ask for their forgiveness. We risk reopening a wound and all of the pain came with it. And we're never sure if we will be met with understanding or with anger and hostile words. Today's scripture reading provides an insight into understanding forgiveness. It comes from the letter to Philemon. It is a brief letter and is unique in the collection of letters from Paul. Paul's other letters are addressed primarily to churches and are concerned with church problems. This letter is addressed to a single person and is focused on an entirely personal matter. The letter was written when Paul said good-bye to a slave named Onesimus. Onesimus was on his way to return to his master, who lived on Colossae. Paul is a prisoner in Rome or Ephesus at this time, and it's clear that Onesimus has been with him for quite some time. The scripture alludes to the fact that Onesimus was a runaway and he has caused a loss to his master. Under Roman law, a slave who stole from his master and then ran away could be punished by death. But then Onesimus met Paul and became a Christian. He also became a dear friend and trusted helper to Paul. Now Paul is writing to ask Philemon to accept Onesimus as a Christian brother. Can you imagine how difficult this might have been? Difficult for Onesimus to return to Philemon asking for forgiveness and acceptance. He realized that he could possibly be risking his own life to return to the place where he robbed his master and ran away from slavery. It was undoubtedly difficult for Philemon as well. He had suffered a loss, both in terms of personal property and the loss of his slave. He probably suffered a loss of face in the community and was embarrassed by the turn of events. Could he forgive Onesimus? These questions, while perhaps more dramatic, aren't much different than the ones we face about forgiveness, are they? Bible scholars recognize this letter from Paul as one of his most eloquent and well written works. What can we learn from it about bringing forgiveness into our lives? I. FORGIVENESS COMES FROM LOVE, NOT RULES Paul says to Philemon, "I could be bold and order you what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love." Paul is saying that forgiveness and acceptance aren't very meaningful if we offer them only to follow the rules. Have you ever watched two children in a fight? They're sitting in the back of the SUV when a ruckus erupts. Someone begins screaming and yelling, "He hit me! He hit me!" The other child protests, "Well, he hit me first" Sometimes, in that situation, the parent steps in and says, "Tell him that you're sorry." Reluctantly, almost inaudibly, one kid says to the other, "I'm sorry." But it's not very convincing. It's interesting that we rarely coach our children to forgive the other. Just as a forced apology is often meaningless, forgiveness that is motivated by the rules rarely comes from the heart. Paul is saying to Philemon that his acceptance of Onesimus should be based on love. The love that is shared between believers. This doesn't make it any easier for me. Sometimes I have to dig down deep in order to find the love of God to offer forgiveness to someone who's broken my heart. But Paul encourages us to stretch ourselves, to reach out in ways that aren't necessarily easy for us to do. The scripture also teaches us that: II. FORGIVENESS BRINGS FULNESS TO OUR LIVES In this short letter to Philemon, Paul suggests that Onesimus may have been separated from him for a while so that the two would be even closer once they were reunited. He says that, if Philemon accepts his former slave back, he will be better than a slave - a dear brother. Have you ever seen that kind of result in your life from forgiveness? When we are disappointed or wronged by another person, it's easy to think less of them. We might hang all kinds of names on them, or decide that they are incapable of doing anything good. But Paul is encouraging Philemon to let go of all those negative images and to be open to the possibility of a richer relationship. In the classic film, On Golden Pond, the central characters are an aging couple, Ethel and Norman Thayer. Ethel and Norman arrive at their summer place on Golden Pond where their estranged daughter Chelsea shows up with her boyfriend Bill and his thirteen year old son Billy. Norman is, deep down, a very sensitive, shy person who seems to try to hide these traits with crankiness and bluster. Chelsea wants to ask her father for forgiveness and love. But she's too afraid to approach him. Finally, she muster up the courage to talk with her Dad about repairing their relationship. Let's take a look_[VIDEOTAPE] In the awkward way that we often talk with one another, Chelsea lets her father know that she wants to be his friend. And in his awkward way, he lets her know that he's open to a closer relationship. Without this first step of asking for forgiveness and being open to accept, Chelsea's life would not have know the fullness of being restored to her father's love. How many blessings are you missing out on this morning because you're too afraid to ask someone for forgiveness? How much of life's fullness is passing you by because you're too stubborn to reach out with love and forgiveness? God encourages us to live full and abundant lives. And one of the hallmarks of a Christian who is living a full life is an openness to forgive and be forgiven. Paul also encourages us to understand that: III. FORGIVENESS COMES FROM OUR PARTNERSHIP WITH GOD In verse 17 Paul says to Philemon, "So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me." Does that encouragement sound familiar to you? It's much like Jesus charge for us to "do for the least of these as you would to for me." Forgiveness isn't something that we have to do all on our own. Sometimes we think that we have to face the most difficult tasks in life without any help. But God reminds us that Christ lives within us, empowering us to do the most difficult things. True forgiveness comes from partnership - the partnership between us and God and the partnerships between us and other individuals. In the movie, On Golden Pond, Chelsea is spurred to talk with her father after a lively talk with her mom, Ethel. Ethel reminds Chelsea of her love for Norman and encourages her to find forgiveness in her heart. Stop and think for just a moment. Who are the people in your life who encourage you to be a more loving and forgiving person? Are some of them here in this room? Are some of them your family members? Perhaps you work with them. So, our partnerships with other people can spur us on to live more loving and forgiving lives. But the power of forgiveness comes from our relationship with God. And God has forgiven us completely. The Bible tells us that God has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west. Now, that's a long way isn't it? How far is east from west? You can't measure it, it's impossible to find the distance. God has forgiven us some completely that you can't even find the place where the past has gone. God offers us the power and courage to forgive others in the same way. The power to remove all of that old baggage that keeps weighing us down. The courage to move forward with our lives in fullness and richness. All we need to do is to accept our partnership with God and to call on God's power to live out forgiveness in our lives.
Whether we've been wronged or we're the one who needs to ask for forgiveness, the burden can be intense. Nothing in life seems harder. It can be the darkest day of our lives to have to deal with damaged relationships. On another dark day, Jesus hung on a cross, slowly dying. As the executioners poked fun at him, he looked down on them. Did he despise them for their cruelty? Did he want to get even with them for the anguish they were causing him? No. Jesus looked down with compassion and prayed an earnest prayer. "Father, forgive them." May God grant us the same understanding and compassion for our journey.
Amen. |